I was born with a shot glass in my hand
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
