woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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