You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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