how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
