Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
