Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
