my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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