i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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