Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
