he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
