So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Randomize
