You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
My friends, they love my intelligence
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
