my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
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