I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
