sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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