It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
