Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize