4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
