So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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