I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize