too bad you live with your parents still
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
