guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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