You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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