absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Randomize
