You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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