You can't special order awesome
barbara walters just said penis...
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Just high enough for therapy.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
