farters have to be the big spoon...
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
