Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
