i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
