There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize