Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
