Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize