I wish I could teleport
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize