I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
