why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
