no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
