So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize