Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
