Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
