I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
