there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
