Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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