i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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