Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Everything about him screamed your future.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Randomize
