I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
