I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
