you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
