He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
