I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
