GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
