So drunk its hurt
I CAN MOONWALK!
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
