I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
