I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
