break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
