When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
