chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
