i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
