just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize