Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Girls should come with a carfax report
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
