good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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