she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
