If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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