if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
