We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
