I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
