I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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