you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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