You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize