Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
