It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
