I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
